Day 2 continued
**The Fabled Dump of Doom on Mount Commode**
Disclaimer: This diary entry is not safe for work… nor children… nor anyone, really. Reader discretion is strongly advised.
I have not defecated.
It has been 3 days.
I dreaded this inevitable day, as I have read of this experience in other diaries - it is my turn to live it.
I know this is going to be painful. I transitioned from walker to toilet safety rails and positioned my posterior on the cold, hard seat of death. My cheeks were spread, my quivering hole ready for the impending onslaught that was about to happen. It was now time to push. I took a deep breath and pushed.
Oh boy here it comes.
The pressure in the anal canal is intense… I wish I could vent it like a surgeon as they do before pushing the implant inside the intramedullary canal.
Whoa, hot! Hot hot!
Whoaaa hot hot hot hot hot!
It burns… it burns.
It's so big…
It's almost out and ripping me open.
But it did not go out. It stayed inside.
Maybe I just did not want to part with it.
This was something I made, something that grew inside of me for such a long time. It’s a part of me - something so huge and significant and the only thing I ever made that was any good. Maybe I just didn’t want to let it go.
This crap must be massive. It was one of the biggest accomplishments I have ever created.
Maybe this accomplishment I should keep in me, and just crap it out in my usual toilet at home in Vancouver. I feel like I need to push it out in my hometown for all to see - to show my glorious poo to my friends and family, this amazing accomplishment, and tell them that I finally made something of myself and did something meaningful with my life.
But I can’t go back to Vancouver now - I heard it’s never safe to fly in your turd trimester.
Alas, I must defecate in French Canada, and pass this glorious stool without the fame and glory that I could’ve had in Vancouver.
Let’s retry. I shall push.
In my earlier years, I was microfracturing my shins in attempts to grow taller. I’m sure people in this community have heard of this bogus method - along with hanging weights from your ankles, hanging upside down, and taking crazy pills, etc.
Anyways, instead of microfracturing my shins, I should have been microfracturing my butthole and trying to make it larger - at least that would’ve helped me on this fateful day.
Hot hot hot! It burns… it burns.
Why am I so full of crap?
I am just a giant piece of crap.
Crap in my head and in my ass and in my mouth.
Arghhh
Hot hot hot hot hot hot
In and partially out
In and out
In and out
Why won’t you come out - bitch stop playing peek-a-boo with my a—shole
And ARGHAHAHAHAHAHAH fgagshshshsh jdjhgdj jgsjsgd mutheferssks
Hot hot hot hot hot hot!!
Dohhhhhhhhhh… Oooh… Oohoo…
Ploppp!
Ohhh, it’s over. It’s finally over.
I stand up and stare back at the wonderful specimen I created. There are no cracks. One giant, solid piece. I should get a medal for this. It’s the biggest crap I have ever seen. I can’t believe this seriously came out of my ass.
It was time to flush it, but it’s so big, I don’t think it’s going to even fit. I should have taken pictures of it and filmed the experience for my newly created Youtube channel that I was forced to create since dis cord won’t let me upload videos of my lengthening journey for my diary entries for free.
All poo-poo commentary aside, the experience was not as bad as I'm exaggerating. The doctor prescribed a stool softener that helped with all of this. Ensure to take it… or just say goodbye to your little a—shole.